I was preparing the post about my appearance on Friday’s Midday Matters when I decided to include the information about Council persons Karen Goldner and Mitch Harper’s appearances as well.
Councilman Harper’s topic interested me as I’d not heard anything about this. Â So, I decided to include a link to highlight the Google information, which I think would be an exciting feather for our City’s cap!
However, one of the first pages I viewed, apparently on the official Google website was this press release:
Google announces free in-home wireless broadband service
“Dark porcelain” project offers self-installed plumbing-based Internet access
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., April 1, 2007 – Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) today announced the launch of Google TiSP (BETA)â„¢, a free in-home wireless broadband service that delivers online connectivity via users’ plumbing systems. The Toilet Internet Service Provider (TiSP) project is a self-installed, ad-supported online service that will be offered entirely free to any consumer with a WiFi-capable PC and a toilet connected to a local municipal sewage system.
“We’ve got that whole organizing-the-world’s-information thing more or less under control,” said Google Co-founder and President Larry Page, a longtime supporter of so-called “dark porcelain” research and development. “What’s interesting, though, is how many different modalities there are for actually getting that information to you – not to mention from you.”
For years, data carriers have confronted the “last hundred yards” problem for delivering data from local networks into individual homes. Now Google has successfully devised a “last hundred smelly yards” solution that takes advantage of preexisting plumbing and sewage systems and their related hydraulic data-transmission capabilities. “There’s actually a thriving little underground community that’s been studying this exact solution for a long time,” says Page. “And today our Toilet ISP team is pleased to be leading the way through the sewers, up out of your toilet and – splat – right onto your PC.”
Users who sign up online for the TiSP system will receive a full home self-installation kit, which includes a spindle of fiber-optic cable, a TiSP wireless router, installation CD and setup guide. Home installation is a simple matter of GFlushingâ„¢ the fiber-optic cable down to the nearest TiSP Access Node, then plugging the other end into the network port of your Google-provided TiSP wireless router. Within sixty minutes, the Access Node’s crack team of Plumbing Hardware Dispatchers (PHDs) should have your internet connection up and running.
“I couldn’t be more excited about, and am only slightly grossed out by, this remarkable new product,” said Marissa Mayer, Google’s Vice President of Search Products and User Experience. “I firmly believe TiSP will be a breakthrough product, particularly for those users who, like Larry himself, do much of their best thinking in the bathroom.”
Interested consumers, contractually obligated partners and deeply skeptical and quietly competitive backbiters can learn more about TiSP at .
About Google Inc.
Google’s innovative search technologies connect millions of people around the world with information every day. Founded in 1998 by Stanford Ph.D. wannabes Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Google today is a top web property in all major global markets. Google’s targeted advertising program provides businesses of all sizes with measurable results, while enhancing the overall web experience for users. Google is headquartered in Silicon Valley with offices throughout the Americas, Europe and Asia. For more information, visit www.google.com.
So, I’m reading this press release and thinking, “You’re kidding me, right?” Â It’s not a phishing website – it looks like a legitimate google website. But then, certain phrases and paragraphs start jumping out at me, like:
Why should I switch to Google TiSP?
[…] It’s good for you. Your FREE TiSP service includes a Google Toolbar-based analysis of your dietary habits and genetic predispositions, along with recommendations for healthier living.
Is this offering a tiered service? How does Google’s position on Net Neutrality effect TiSP?
Although we understand that there’s a lot of crap on the web, we also believe strongly in providing equal opportunity access to all our users. While we won’t limit your surfing choices, we do offer three levels of TiSP service:
- The #2
- Royal Flush
Why is TiSP in beta?
When things go wrong with TiSP, they go very, very wrong. Let’s leave it at that.
In-Commode Package Delivery
With professional installation service, you can also have your Google Checkout purchases delivered directly through the sewage network into your bathroom. Each package comes pre-sealed in a watertight and nanobot-resistant bag made of biodegradable corn-based plastic. For a limited time, TiSP subscribers who sign up for a Checkout account will receive free bathroom delivery on their first ten Checkout purchases.
I’m sitting here reading this and looking at the illustrations and trying to figure out if it’s really what Councilman Harper is excited about, when I notice the date on the press release.
I’ve said it before on this blog and I’ll say it again – I should not be allowed on-line very early in the morning! (notice the date this post was published).